Showing posts with label Open Book Toronto. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Open Book Toronto. Show all posts

Feb 16, 2008

A response to a call-out

Maybe it’s that I’m in a slightly melancholy mood today; maybe it’s the sudden warming trend outside (-15 degrees? It’s like freakin’ Hawaii out there!); or maybe it’s irritation. Pick one. Whichever you choose it be, I have decided to respond to a ‘call out’ by a literary peer.

Yes, this is rather silly, and I enter it into the spirit in which is was intended, i.e. just for fun. Nevertheless, a call out is a call out, and if it be either a schoolyard scuffle or jailhouse rules free-for-all, dammit, I’m no chicken.

To summarize the events to date:

On my last post as online writer-in-residencec with
Open Book Toronto, I made a snide little comment. To whit:
A friend suggested that I end on something controversial to get people talking, but that's not me. I have my opinions, but this is not the venue. Oh, but if you ever meet me in person, I have some doozies to get off my chest.

Okay, one quick rant.

The breathless anticipation of Dan Brown's next piece of hackneyed plotting to save the slumping publishing industry makes me weep uncontrollably. He's a horrible, horrible author truly undeserving of his fame. Seriously.

There, I said it. Let the hate mail commence!
So, there you have it. I know what you’re thinking; “Oooh, controversial!” I believe from the tone and context that you can surmise

a) it was all meant as a little joke, and

b) I don’t care that much for Dan Brown (Not the most surprising of sentiments from myself, if you’ve ever met me or read my novel [and if you haven’t, why are you still reading this?])

I thought that would be the end of it, but it appears this was not to be.

Last week, I was perusing the entries of
Rick Blechta, my follow-up W-I-R at Open Book Toronto. I’m not familiar with Mr. Blechta’s work, but he’s written a slew of novels, and has been nominated for an Arthur Ellis Award, so he clearly knows his stuff. He also appears to be a nice guy.

But as I scanned, I came across the following:
My predecessor, Corey Redekop, took a run at this author in his last posting and it's rankled with me a bit ever since. This certainly won't be a flame, Corey, but I think it was a cheap shot on your part: say something controversial and then run for the door.

I don't think Dan Brown is a great author; I don't think he's a poor author, but he certainly isn't -- how did you put it? -- "a horrible, horrible author". What is that pronouncement based on? His prose is reasonably polished, sentence construction not bad, he makes his thoughts understood. A lot of published authors (and critically praised, too) don't do as well.
Now, Rick admits that Brown is no genius; “Dan's characters are not very well fleshed out. I didn't really know much more about what makes them tick when I got to the end of the book. Dan also gives one the feeling that all his historical pronouncements are based on fact and meticulous research. I think time has proven that this was not the case, and it was stupid on his part to present it so.” He concludes:
So why did the book sell so many copies? Because people got caught up in the story. I know that I did. When I finally turned the last page, I sat there wondering why I'd read the darn thing so breathlessly, but the fact of the matter was that I had. In speaking to other people, I found the book had had the same effect on them. There is certainly some writing skill involved if an author can do that.

Come on, Corey, his plots aren't what I would call "hackneyed". It had some neat twists and the puzzle aspect of it was pretty cool. Bottom line: Dan Brown can tell a good story.

I guess it could all be summed up like this: don't judge a book by its sales.
So, my response:

First, you’re right. It was a cheap shot. It was a joke, but maybe I should have backed it up. I think Dan Brown can handle the criticism (millions of dollars in sales do tend to create a comfortable buffer zone), but yeah, it was cheap.

And yes, while I could expound at length on my subjective view that Dan Brown’s prose is horrid, I could never reach the heights of
Mark Steyn’s concise dissection of Brown’s style (and believe me, it kills me to agree with anything Steyn has to say).

But I take some offence at the notion that I do not care for him because of his sales. That’s silly. Many, many talented authors sell well, as do the no-talents. And many, many, many talented authors languish in obscurity, along with a healthy amount of hacks. The argument that Brown’s sales in some way cloud my judgment is laughable.

I do not like Dan Brown because (and I will not back down from this) Dan Brown is no good. I rarely read novels that cause me to physically throw the book across the room in disgust (repeatedly), but Brown achieved that distinction handily. Twice. I read Digital Fortress, and that novel took a severe beating. I read The Da Vinci Code because I felt it couldn’t be worse, and everyone was telling me it was so much better. Yeah. That copy was lucky it wasn’t mine; I probably would have fed it to the shredder otherwise. Brown’s prose is frankly awful, his grasp of narrative flow nonexistent, and his characters (as Rick notes) are so one-dimensional as to be invisible.

It is not his hackneyed plots. I fully subscribe to the notion that it is not the story that is important, but how it is told. Terrific fictions have been written from the most ridiculous ideas imaginable. Do I believe that
vampires could destroy a small town? No, but Stephen King makes me believe it. Can I find it plausible that there are schools of witchcraft in England? Nope, but J.K. Rowling convinces me. Dan Brown does not convince me.

But maybe that’s too strict a guideline. What about the entertaining novels you never fully engage in? Sadly, Brown doesn’t even qualify as good pulp. Or good bad pulp. I never for a moment buy anything that occurs in
The Destroyer series, but darned if I don’t read them (go Remo!).

Brown is awful, a one-trick pony whose trick ain’t that great. He has one plot, and recycles it again and again; the hero has 24 hours to overcome a series of ludicrous plot twists. There’s a killer with a weird physical quirk (a deaf-mute, an albino). There’s a mysterious mastermind behind it all whose identity is secret, yet is obvious to anyone who has sat through a few episodes of Murder, She Wrote.

Now, to give Brown credit, at least he presumably writes his own material, and has not taken to writing by committee a la
James Patterson. He does a lot of research, and the stuff he digs up is kinda neat. But who cares, when the product is so poor?

I hope I’ve laid the criticism to rest. If you like Dan Brown, then fine. Different strokes, different folks. I care not if he sells a zillion copies of his next work. I would likely sell my soul for a piece of the action. But Rick, it is a cheap shot of your own to assume my dislike is based on sales or jealousy. I’ve inter-library loaned a few of your novels, and can’t wait to read them. Unlike Brown, I’m positive you’ve got talent.

Let’s lay the feud to rest, and agree to disagree. I don’t want to be like John Irving and Tom Wolfe sniping at each other like fifth-graders at recess.

Now, about James Patterson…ugh!

Jan 24, 2008

Young Corey dreams of wookies and spaceships

[NOTE] This is also my Open Book Toronto entry, but I'm so proud of the damn thing, I thought I'd reprint it here in its entirety.

I thought I’d make a little detour through time today, and revisit myself *ahem* 27 years or so ago.

Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking to a grade 4 class on the publishing process. During my talk, I mentioned that the students should save everything they write, as they will want to revisit their past efforts at some point. While I said this, I thought back to my own magnum opus of my youth, a sequel to George Lucas’ The Empire Strikes Back. I thought the story was lost to the packing boxes and dumpsters of time.

Go forward 4 months, and my mother unearths the very story, complete with barely-competent illustrations and scratch-and-sniff stickers adorning the cover (The pickle still smells!).

I’ve gone through the pages, and while I can say that my overall style has improved, my handwriting certainly has not.

Other observations:

a) My eleven-year-old self has a problem with ‘i before e.’
b) It’s spelled “Tatooine,” not “Tatoonie.”
c) My spellcheck recognizes “Chewbacca” but not “Lando.”
d) The dialogue, while rough and frankly awful, is comparable to 21st century Lucas dialogue.

And so, without further ado, and with all mistakes and errors transcribed verbatim, I present part one of Corey Redekop’s fan fiction extraordinaire:

The Jedi’s Revenge

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a great adventure took place. Commander Luke Skywalker, with the help pf his friends, had just succeeded in escaping the notorious Darth Vader and his stormtroopers. But Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon, has been captured by Boba Fett, the infamous bounty hunter, who is going to give him to Jabba the Hut. Luke is at the Rebel base on Yavin. He is about to leave to look for Han with Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca the Wookie, when Princess Leia Organa stops them.

“Luke, you can’t do this!” she cried. “This is a suicide mission!”

“Yes, you certainly can’t!” said a voice behind Luke. It was C-3PO, a tall robot which was Luke’s companion. “You can’t and R2-D2 agrees with me!” R2-D2 was a small robot that talked in beeps and whistles.

“I’m sorry, but it’s got to be done,” Luke said while getting into his ship. “If I don’t go, Han will be disinigrated, and we can’t let that happen.”

“Aroghf,” growled Chewbacca.

“O.K. Chewy,” said Lando. “We’re going.

They boarded the Millennium Falcon, said good-bye, and started the thrusters. The Falcon sputtered, coughed, and then blasted off. When the Falcon was just a twinkling light in the sky, Leia whispered to C-3PO:

“I just hope they’ll be all right.”

*

Yoda and Ben Kenobi were meditating when Yoda whisphered:

“I feel…feel something is happening to poor Luke.”

“I feel it too, master,” replied Ben. “He is in grave danger. He is going to rescue his friend. We must help him.”

“No!” Yoda screamed. “We must let him chose his own destiny. He can chose to become a Jedi, or become a servant of evil. You should have never brought him here. You should have not told him about the Force and Darth Vader. We must not interfere.” Ben was silent. Finally he said aloud:

“I must go help him! He might be killed!”

“If you go, I go! I must not lose you to the evil side of the Force as I lost Darth Vader!” Yoda stated. “I will go get our lightsabers and then we’ll go!”

*

The Falcon cruised quietly with Chewbacca at the controls. Lando and Luke were pacing the floor. Finally Lando said:

“This is ridiculus! We left two hours ago and we still haven’t done anything to save Han!”

“Aroghrf!” yelled Chewbacca. “Arroghf!”

Luke walked over to Chewbacca. “What is it, Chewy? he asked.

“There’s a Star Destroyer behind us! yelled Lando. “Chewy, put up the deflector sheilds! Luke, you control the guns! Let’s get out of here!”

*

A large, ominious shape was on the Star Destroyer. He watched the Falcon with bemused intrest and then walked to the command centre.

“I told you not to follow them too fast! Now they’ve put their deflector sheilds!” It was Darth Vader. Lord of the Empire. His black cape flowed as the shaking Admiral walked up.

“I thought surprise would be wiser,” he said. “How was I to…to…Arrgh!” Vader’s hand closed around the Admiral’s neck and choked him.

“Captain Ozzel,” he said “you’re in command now. I want no further mistakes!”

*

“There,” said Yoda. “We’re all packed.”

“But how will we get there?” Ben asked. He had not learned how to travel by the force.

“Concentrate on Luke and you will follow him,” replied Yoda. So they concentrated and then in a flash of light more brighter then the sun they were gone. They were on their way!”

*

A small ship sped through the galaxy toward the distant planet Tatoonie. It was the Slave One, ship of the infamous bounty hunter Boba Fett. In his hold was Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon.

“You can’t get away with this, you know!” Solo said through the bars of his cage. But Fett only laughed and said,

“We’ll see about that!”

“I’ll get out of this before we get near Tatoonie!” snarled Han.

Boba Fett laughed again and said, “It’s a little late for that now! We’re here,” he said as the Slave One entered Tatoonies atmosphere.

*

Brrzaap! The Falcon’s left deflector shield fell off!

“When can we jump into hyperspace?” yelled Luke. “We can’t take this much longer!”

“Don’t worry,” Lando replied. “We’ll jump any minute. But where shall we look for Han? We have no idea where he is.”

Luke replied “Well, I think they would go to Tatoonie. Jabba the Hut was last seen there.”

“So that’s where we’ll go!” announced Lando. “Chewy, set course for the Tatoonie system!”

*

Yoda and Ben landed on a nearby asteroid.

“I don’t understand it!” muttered Yoda. “We were following them and then they dissapearred!”

“My master,” said Ben. “Perhaps I can assist. Jabba The Hut was last seen on Tatoonie.”

“Good!” replied Yoda. “Let’s go!” So they concentrated and in a blinding flash more brighter than the sun they were gone.

*

Back on Yavin, Leia was pacing the floor in anguish. Finnally she said:

“I don’t like it, 3PO! I can feel that Luke is in danger.”

“Your highness,” said C-3PO, “if your that worried why don’t you go after him. It’s much better then doing nothing!”

“Bleep va doop re Bop!” said R2-D2 in agreement.

“Okay, you guys. You talked me into it. Let’s go,” said Leia werily as she turned toward her private ship. R2 beeped in excitement and immedietly followed her and 3PO.

*

Darth Vader walked to the control centre in crest-fallen anguish.

“It doesn’t make sense, my lord!” said an officer. “We just can’t pick them up on our scopes!”

darth Vader looked out of the window. “The Tatoonie system…” he muttered. “Officer, head for the Tatoonie system!”

“But, My lord…” the officer stuttered…

“No Buts!” said Vader. “Head for the Tatoonie system! Skywalker is there!”

*

The Millenium Falcon landed quietly in Mos Eisely. Luke and Lando changed so they would fit into the crowd. Luke wore red clothes with a long blue cape and Lando changed into a white suit with no sleeves and no pantlegs. Then they all split up Luke was in a bar when he saw a familiar shape go into a laboratory.

“Han!” he shouted, and tore off after him. He ran into the laboratory, which was pitch black. Suddenly the lights went on., blinding him for a second. Then he felt a sharp pain on his shoulder. He spun around, only to be punched in the chin and tossed into a computer. His attacker jumped on him and put his hands around Lukes throat. For long, terrible seconds Luke struggled with his assaliant. Then Luke tossed him into the wall. He got up and gave the man a left hook, which knocked him head over heals over a table, and crashing into several beakers and chemicals. Luke jumped over the table and picked up the man by the lapels of his jacket.

“Who are you, and who sent you?” he demanded. The man only snarled and replied:

“You’ll never get anything out of me!” Luke dropped and turned to leave, when Lando and Chewbacca came bursting into the room.

“Luke!” Lando exclaimed. “Are you all right?”

“Oh, yeah, everythings fine,” Luke joked werily.

“Who’s that?” Lando asked, pointing at the man.

“Who, him?” Luke replied. “He’s a bully. I can’t get anything out of him!”

“Well, let’s go,” said Lando. “It’ll be safer if we stick together!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Can your heart stand the excitement? Who is this mysterious “bully?” How did Yoda suddenly get the power to teleport? Will anyone get disinigrated?

Stay tuned, fearless readers…

Jan 15, 2008

Open Book entries just keep on rollin' on...

The next taste of brilliance is up at Open Book Toronto:

So, you’ve written a book. Bravo. You’ve gotten a publisher. Double bravo. Think you’re done? Not even close.

It’s time for Marketing 101; Putting Your Pretty Face Out There.

Yes, many authors seek the literary life because they enjoy the solitude. I could not tell you the statistics on how many authors are natural extroverts, but I’m betting it’s a low percentage. We have rich inner lives. It’s just you, the paper and ink, and whatever gossamer you can spin from the ether. We don’t aspire to the spotlight for ourselves; we want the work to speak for itself.
Read the rest of the entry here.

Jan 13, 2008

Open Book Toronto entry, Jan 12, 2008

The next sterling submission to the Open Book Toronto project is now up!

When I was young and marginally more stupid than I am now – ah, those heady days of youth, how fleeting they seem now to this aged mind! – I took a one-day course in skydiving. Well, parachuting, really, as you have to work your way up to skydiving freefall. Signing up, I had visions of every WWII movie I’ve ever seen; a lineup of eager recruits by the gaping door of a transit plane, each jumping out headlong into the endless abyss. Wheee!

The truth, unsurprisingly, was more mundane, and far more terrifying. Myself and two companions were walked through the basics of elementary parachute jumping, including (and this was quite a surprise to me) that one does not simply cannonball out an open door, but must instead walk out under the wing(!) and stand on the wheel, wait for the count by the instructor (who is holding the ripcord himself), and then let go, arch the back, count to five, and look over the shoulder to make sure the ‘chute has opened correctly.

Read the rest of the entry here.

Jan 10, 2008

Open Book Toronto entry for January 9, 2008

My newest blog enty at Open Book Toronto is now up:

Ok, you’ve been writing for hours. Your carpal is flaming, your fingers are numb, and you can’t stare at the screen without screaming. Time for a break. Time for a movie.

A movie about writing, of course. Can’t stray too far off topic here.

As much as I love the art and craft of writing, both as practitioner and audience, I’ll be the first to admit that writing is not the most…uh…visually dynamic of arts. Think about it: painters can spread their works across endless easels and wallspaces; sculptors take chisel, hammer, and blowtorch to inanimate objects; dancers warp their spines in pursuit of truth in body modification; and actors bellow to the back row. But writing, from an audience perspective, always comes down to a solitary figure hunched over a writing implement of some sort, huddled and lonely in the pursuit of translating a thought into symbols.
Read the rest of the entry here.

Jan 5, 2008

Open Book entry for January 4, 2007

My latest post at Open Book Toronto is now up:

I’d like to speak from my soapbox, if I may, on one of the most important tools in the first-time writer’s arsenal: luck.

Yes, talent, ambition, and perseverance still play a major part, don’t get me wrong. Yet – and let’s be honest here – how many of us have read a successful published novel by a name author and said afterward, “Someone published this?”

Read the rest of the entry here.
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