Jul 2, 2010

Critical Monkey! The Final Conflict!

Alright, everybody! Huddle up and unclench your bowels, the year-long nightmare is officially kaput!

Final tally:

Acceptance (seven reviews)

Lori L
Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
Roses of Glory by Mary Pershall
Spock's World by Diane Duane
A Texan's Honor by Leigh Greenwood
Star Wars: Rebel Dawn by A.C. Crispin
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer *ineligible for contention*
Love Comes Softly by Janette Oke
The Outlaws of Mesquite by Louis L'Amour

Corey Redekop
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
The Justice Riders by Chuck Norris
Jake and the Kid by W.O. Mitchell
Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins
The Stainless Steel Rat by Harry Harrison
The Murder of King Tut by James Patterson & Martin Dugard *ineligible for contention*
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

Empire of Lies by Andrew Klaven
A Merry Heart by Wanda E. Brunsetter
A Washington, D.C. by Robert J. Hensler
It's Not that I'm Bitter by Gina Barreca
Fat Girls in Lawn Chairs by Cheryl Peck
The Possessed by Elif Batuman
What's Wrong With the World by G.K. Chesterton

Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey
Hold Tight by Harlan Coben
Double Cross by James Patterson
Strangers in Death by J.D. Robb (Nora Roberts)
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
Lisey's Story by Stephen King
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

Steve Zipp
Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town by Stephen Leacock
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
The Whiteoaks of Jalna by Mazo de la Roche
The Palm-Wine Drinkard by Amos Tutuola
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
The Navy Times Book of Submarines by Brayton Harris

Depression (six reviews)

Anger (five reviews)

Guilt (four reviews)

Bargaining (three reviews)

Generation Dead/Generation Dead: Kiss of Life by Daniel Waters
A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M. Coetzee
Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice
Nostromo by Joseph Conrad

Denial (two reviews)

Shock (one review)

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

I did not think we'd make it. Good job to everyone who made it, and to the others, well, not everyone is cut out for such extreme levels of self-torture. You are the luckiest of all.

It was truly an inspired event. We saw suffering the likes of which very few escape with scraps of sanity. At the low end, James Patterson, Chuck Norris, Stephanie Meyer, Mitch Albom, Andrew Klaven, Janette Oke, and more took their gloves off (and shoes, in Norris' case), and roundly thrashed us. On the upper tiers, Thomas Pynchon, G.K. Chesterton, Jack Kerouac, Charles Dickens, and Jane Austen tempted us with literary sweetmeats.

But we need a winner: I promised a signed copy of my opus Shelf Monkey to one unlucky individual so filled with loathing for his or herself that they would actually finish this evil little enterprise. So, I'll just place all the completed contestants in a hat, shuffle them up a bit, and the winner is...


Congratulations, Lori, you have truly earned this meager prize. I wish I had a medal to contribute, but you'll just have to wear your unabashed pride around to compensate. Well done indeed, my lady, well done. I'll get in touch with you for an address.

Now, the burning question: will there be a Critical Monkey Part 2? At this point, no. This was an experiment to force myself to read the books I make fun of, and I think I made my point. What that point really is, I have no idea, but I certainly made it.

The fact is, I'm a lot busier than usual lately. A new job (more on that later) has eaten up a lot of my energy, and posting has become a bit of a chore as it is. I may resurect the concept in the future, or do something entirely new, but for now, I'm going to hide and lick my wounds for a bit. I heartily recommend you join John Mutford's Canadian Book Challenge, if you're looking for a new challenge, and after all, I stole the concept from him anyway.

And so, I bid all of you adieu. Not really, I mean, I'm still around, technically.

Peace out, y'all.


John Mutford said...

Ha! You didn't steal the concept from me. Book challenges have been around since Erik the Red bet Norbert the Beige to read all 8 of his sagas. In any case, I'm glad you all survived (unlike poor Norbert), and what an eclectic reading list. Chuck Norris? Really? The closest we came over at the Canadian camp was William Shatner. Or maybe Theo Fleury. No, not even those really compare. Chuck Norris? Really?

Corey Redekop said...

I kid you not, the link is in the drop-down menu on the right side. So, so bloody awful, and still, NOT the worst novel I read. James Patterson, take a bow, you shameless practitioner of utter hackery.

Jeanne said...

This was really fun--it's the only book challenge I've ever participated in, and may continue to be the only one ever. And I'm glad Lori won your book, because I already bought it.

Lori L said...

This really was the most fun I've ever had participating in a reading challenge. Was it torturous? Lud, Yes. Would I do it again? Thank goodness I don't need to make that decision! Thank you so much for hosting this challenge!

Corey Redekop said...

Lori, send me your address, you winner you.

Scrat said...

I often bemoaned my decision to voluntarily set aside some of my precious reading time to read books of little interest to me. However, I learned a lot about myself, about writing, and through other's blogs, about why people read.
Thank you for setting it up, Cory...although I will miss reading your and other blogger's funny rants.
Congrats Lori. You will love your prize.

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