Apr 11, 2009

People don't learn...

From Chapter 22 of the zen-like ode to incompetence that is James Patterson's online 'virus kidnap crap-o-rama' Airborne:
‘Don’t even think about trying that again, b*tch,’ he hissed in her ear.

‘Someone get the girl!’ Jones ordered from the floor through clenched teeth. ‘Somebody get that machete!’

‘F*ck!’ The biker restraining Lesley threw her behind him roughly and joined the circle closing in on Amanda.
Seriously? Still with the *s? What if I can't crack the code? Batch? Botch? Fick? I don't understand this idiomatic lingo! And what if they throw in a # or a %? I didn't do well in calculus, I can't solve for Y!

This entire exercise is like a slo-mo car crash, with another automobile adding to the pile every day. I have read articles in the Weekly World News that make more sense, and have a better grasp of pacing and characterization.

That said, like the movies of Uwe Boll, I cannot look away, and eagerly await Patterson's sure -to-be-awe-inspiring conclusion.

2 comments:

Minister Faust said...

Corey, you are cracking me up with these posts on the the Patterson novel content. Bizarre. From your POV, where's the money in it for Patterson? Or is it merely free PR and a rep for being a risk-taker?

Corey Redekop said...

I can't figure it out. He doesn't need the money, nor the publicity. I can only assume that, since his books scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to talent, he needed to produce something even worse so that he'd look good by comparison. Because while his writing is terrible, at least it's consistently terrible.

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